Is Anybody Listening? | Get Real Live

Relationship week opened up with a great conversation with John and Helen Burns. They brought years of insight and wisdom in our interview as we kick off our relationship series. Communication was highlighted as the central force and major factor in all relationships. The existence of this or lack therefore is a key component. Often it is not what is being said, but what isn?t that is the problem.

Relationships are a tricky thing. The truth is great relationships just don?t happen. They take work. You have two different people with different emotions, experiences and thought patterns. It should be so surprise that fights happen. In fact, they should be expected. Fights come from friction and let?s just face it, there will be friction. We don?t live in Disneyland (although that would be nice). Fighting is actually a sign that there is movement in the relationship. Better this than indifference, where neither person cares. However, if resolve and growth doesn?t occur then all of this is counter productive. We must learn to communicate with the intention to develop stronger, healthier, long lasting relationships.

I would suggest that the most important factor in any relationship is the ability to communicate. Communicating is talking and listening but mostly more of the latter. How often have you said, ?You?re not listening to me? in a heated discussion. Listening isn?t just hearing, it?s truly GETTING what the other person is saying. It?s where validation and reaffirming takes place, elevating the relationship to a whole new level. It doesn?t mean you have to agree with the person, but you should at least understand their angle.

So how do we communicate and open the flood gates of conversation? Here are some thoughts to keep in mind.

1. Avoid Communication Blockers- These include yelling, accusing, ignoring and sarcasm. All these thing close down a conversation. Find ways to invite healthy conversation.
2. Take Time to Learn the Other Person- Some like to resolve right away, others may need time to settle and gather their thoughts. Learn the pattern of your spouse and talk when it will be most beneficial to the situation.
3. Remember Resolution is the Goal- Decide the end result is for both parties to grow. It?s not about your point being made or you being right. The intention should be always be to strengthen the relationship.
4. Sweeping Under the Carpet Means it Will Resurface- Agree to disagree never gets anybody anywhere. If you just ignore the situation and not come to any term of resolve, you really have made no growth forward. Deal with the issue.
5. Avoid words like ?Never? and ?Always?- These are big statements that just aren?t true. This creates an oversight to what each person brings to the table. Incorporate language that stirs conversation and always highlights the contributions of others.
6. Talking Involves Listening- You should be able to repeat back to the person exactly what they have said to you. Use phrases like, ?so what I hear you saying is? and ?I see that this made you feel like?. When someone knows you truly hear and understand them, then this is a massive step in the right direction

7. Honesty is Required- Create conversational spaces where people can speak open and honestly without judgment or anger. If people don?t express how they really feel, emotions get bottled up and often manifest themselves in even worse ways.

You can listen to GetRealLive Relationship Series featuring John and Helen Burns below on demand or download from iTunes.

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